It could use some punching up. The Saturday Night Fever thing was pretty decent, but the whole fast motion thing could have been cut. You can also use some of the audio from one portion of the clip while showing another part, just to lead in and out of different sections. L cuts or J cuts were not used from what I can see.
The office scenes were slow in comparison to the more interesting server room. The talent showed a completely different excitement level as well.
If this is to be one of a series showing all of the different departments, then getting to know the people can be important. If this is just the one department, you can use a little bit of footage to introduce and humanize the IT guys, but dragging on with the Star Wars stuff was a little boring.
Steven
Adobe Premiere Pro 1.5 / After Effects 6.5 Pro https://www.stevengotz.com
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Contributing Writer, PeachPit Press, Visual QuickPro Guide, Premiere Pro 1.5