[Bill Davis] “But it’s equally true that some people still value dated concepts like “manners””
Bad manners would be talking about a subject after someone asks you not to. Self censoring yourself without a specific cause seems a bit daffy to me.
[Bill Davis] “That was my “lesson” when I screwed up with that kid. I wasn’t trying to – but I made him feel crappy (or better by being able to vent on me, who knows!)”
I’ve thought a lot about that story and about what I should have added but didn’t, so now here goes.
Let’s look at the situation: Your son had a 14 year old friend who’s family was in trouble. Until you provoked him, with your wicked tongue, you were unaware of the situation. Being unaware you were unable to help in any way whatsoever. The kid was very brave and talked to you about his feelings (unfortunately most kids would not have the courage.) You had the normal reaction, the one that I would have had, you felt guilty. But what purpose does the guilt do – it serves to move the focus away from the kid and his problems and onto you and your feelings. As so often, guilt is a destructive bitch. But anyhow, what is the end result of your lack of so called “manners” – the kid got to tell you about his troubles, venting his feelings, and putting you in a situation where you could now reach out and help, even if only to be more aware of him whenever you saw him. A total victory for crudeness in speech.
to quote Procul Harum (something I do perhaps more frequently than I should) –
Write it down,
It might be read.
Nothing’s better left unsaid.
Herb Sevush
Zebra Productions
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nothin’ attached to nothin’
“Deciding the spine is the process of editing” F. Bieberkopf