My understanding is that reference tone was meant to be a way to allow another engineer in a different facility to set a level when playing your tape and not have to listen to the entire program tracking the peaks to make sure nothing clips (distorts). With analog tape proper practice was to never exceed +3 over 0VU.
I guess the same theory holds today. If the tone on a tape you receive is at -20 or -14 and you setup your input to play those tones at -20 or -14, no peak should go to a level that would clip the audio (ie. exceed 0 on the digital scale).
If you are mixing a film with dynamic audio content the dialog might be at -30 to -20 with explosions going close to clip level (0 digital). If the program is a commercial, it’s more likely it will be highly compressed to raise its average level to the max so the commercial sounds “loud.” I would expect that the peaks of this kind of program would be near 0 digital.
When I mix audio for a DVD for an industrial video, I typically use mediun compression and let peaks go to -6 on the digital scale. This way, the DVD will have plenty of punch if it needs to play in a loud envirnment. As long as you don’t clip the signal, it’s all relative. If your audio on a DVD has peaks going to -20 then audio will have to be cranked up at playback. But may still be too “soft” in certain situations.
John
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