“Can anyone suggest an alternative HD shooting format that doesn’t cost the earth and actually talks to FCP without the bullshit?”
There are many people successfully shooting and editing HDV in FCP, because it is cheap and it works. Yes it is a bit of a fiddle at first but I am doing 90% of my online work on docos that have worked out how to manage the format. When DV first appeared using firewire, there were lots of similar complaints but no-one these days seems to have an issue.
From your post it seems you don’t understand how to setup the camera and the correct easy setup in FCP. Search the forum as it has been covered hundreds of times.