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*Off Topic* Humor for Editors/Video Artists
All excerpts from: https://www.yalevideo.com/html/humor.html
THE TOP TEN LIES EDITORS TELL CLIENTS
10. It’s just a preview shift.
9. It’s out of the safe area, you’ll never see it on the air..
8. It won’t really look like that..
7. I’ll fill out the paperwork tomorrow..
6. Why no, I don’t mind working Saturday..
5. Oh, don’t go by THAT monitor..
4. It works better as a cut..
3. It’s on the source tape..
2. I think it looks just fine..
1. “I’ll be home soon.”TOP TEN LIES CLIENTS TELL THEIR EDITOR
10. It’s pretty simple. It should only take an hour..
9. Budget? Don’t worry about it.
8. Feel free to be creative with this..
7. I only need a couple of dubs….
6. The client will love it! They won’t make any changes..
5. I’m positive we’ve got that shot on another tape..
4. I’ve never had this problem anywhere else I’ve edited..
3. Could I see it just one more time..
2. I thought you’d be able to just paint it out..
1. How hard can it be?TOP TEN LIES EDITORS TELL OTHER EDITORS
(When they pick-up the second half of a session)
10. The client told me there is another $50 in it for you if you stay until it’s done.
9. I’ve pre-built all of the chyron.
8. It should only go a couple more hours.
7. I’ll be at home, call me if you have any questions.
6. The client has been really organized so far.
5. All of the decks are timed perfectly.
4. The list has been working great.
3. I had no trouble with the D2 recorder.
2. Don’t worry, the credit roll is short.
1. I’ve already done the hardest parts.Heaven and Hell?
A producer dies and goes up to the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him, it’s his lucky day. He gets to take a look at Heaven and Hell and then choose where he wants to spend eternity. Well the producer was kind of surprised by the offer, believing that he already knew the differences between the two, but he took up St. Peter on his offer.The producer looked through the pearly gates and he say everything he expected, the golden paved streets, everyone kind of hanging out not a care to their exsistence. Time passed at just the right pace. Then St. Peter told the producer it was time to look at Hell.
Suddenly the producer found himself looking through the gates of hell and he was surprised. There before his eyes was a beautiful place. The devil himself offered the producer one of those frozen drinks with an umbrella. It was peaceful and much like heaven, time seemed to pass effortlessly. He noticed that everyone there had every wish granted without hesitation. Admittedly the producer was impressed. Again, St. Peter appeared and wisked the producer back to the pearly gates. At this time he told the producer it was time to choose.
The producer confessed that both were great but Hell was a lot better than he had ever anticipated. He even saw some old friends in Hell having a great time. So he chose Hell. St. Peter said okay and suddenly the producer was back at the gates of Hell. But this time the view was very different it was hotter than the producer thought possible and flames were everywhere. People were screaming and begging for relief. The devil approached and the producer looked at him and said, “Wait a minute, I was just here and what I saw was nothing like this.” The devil looked him square in the eye and said, “Yeah, that was just our demo reel.”
*This one is kind of funny*
The Editing 10 Commandments
1. Thou shalt not linger too long in black, lest thy viewer kick his set reproachfully, thinking it hath conked out again.
2. Thou shalt not use old cassettes.
3. Honor thy vectorscope and thy waveform monitor, for thou art guided by them.
4. Thou shalt not covet thy scene transition for the sake of vanity, but thou shalt cut with reason and purpose, and only then, keeping thy transitions modest.
5. Thou shalt have thy proper subject on screen at the proper time, thy speaker when he speaketh, thy reactor when he reacteth, thy glance and then thy object.
6. Thou shalt not cross the axis.
7. Cast down thy recording tabs and breaketh them, and loggeth thee thy master tapes, and with labels shalt thee cover them, their nakedness is sinful.
8. Thou shalt rehearse thy edits, and giveth them bountiful pre-roll, lest ye recieveth thy glitch.
9. Thou shalt not leave thy decks in pause too long.
10. Thou shalt not forget to bill the client.
-Greg
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1 Reply
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i saw a great cartoon in Computer Arts (UK magazine) recently.
DESIGNER is sitting at computer, PRODUCER walks in.
PRODUCER: I’ve want an image of this house.
DESIGER: Great. I can sketch it freehand and make it look all arty.
PRODUCER: No, I want something more solid.
DESIGNER: Okay, well i can do it in PS and make it look all stylised.
PRODUCER: No, I want something more fluid.
DESIGNER: Well, do you actually know what you want?
PRODUCER: No. But I’m sure once you’ve done it six times, I’ll have worked it out.
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