Can you guys critique my 30 second commercial?

[Bill Davis]

Let’s see, you’re hanging your creative hat on a spot that features a pair of white guys – one of whom is dressed up in a cheesy indian headdress and buckskins and sporting a lousy hollywood indian accent talking to a younger guy who looks about as un-native american as is humanly possible.

And you’re concerned about the PICTURE COLOR BALANCE?

Yes, in reality this is kinda what groups like Indian Guides does for real – but society tends to give them a pass (I was joyfully an Indian Guide myself!) because the foundational function of THAT group is providing a bonding experience for dads and their sons (fathers/daughers in Indian Maidens, etc, etc.) – something almost everyone supports no matter their ethnic background.

But you’re SHILLING SOFT DRINKS here. There’s NO similar context to remove the sting.

Sorry, but I once owned an AD AGENCY. Ideas like this commonly get stopped by cooler heads at the table pitch stage where someone on the team of asian descent mockingly says “Hey, maybe we could make it a bit LESS culturally insensitive by making it about a couple of chinese guys who run a laundry?”

Just sayin I don’t think your problem here is related to your picture quality at all.

Sorry, but you ASKED for critique, right?

[Pete Burger]

For your sky problem: There are a couple of tutorials out there for sky replacement in After Effects. What I found most useful is Andrew Kramers approach. Or just google “sky replacement”.

[Ronn Kilby]

Apart from the tacky visuals, unrealistic dialog, unbelievable characters, lousy pacing and lack of humor, I thought it was fine. The Pepsico Folks will wet themselves.

http://www.kilby.tv

[Pete Burger]

I assume this commercial is a school or university project and not an actual commercial or a suggestion for a pitching. So I won’t talk about good or bad ideas, things that will or won’t work in the advertising world or humor (which is very subjective).

I will give you three things you may want to work on:

a) Framing of the shots
b) Try to get more rhythm into your editing
c) Color correct more precisely (or actually – sorry for that – at all) before presenting a clip.

And please, please, please: Don’t take harsh criticism personal! Try to get the best out of it and work, work, work!

All the best!

[Omar Itani]

how do you suggest i frame my shots better?
also what do you mean by (or actually-sorry for that-at all)?

thanks for your reply.

[Ronn Kilby]

Composition: Rule of thirds. Leading lines. Mixture of Med-CU-wide-ECU. All part of good visual story-telling.

http://www.kilby.tv

[Pete Burger]

What I meant, is to take more care in creating your pictures. How you place the things or persons that you want to show within your frame. I think, this forum might not be the perfect place to discuss in detail how to “build” a picture/shot. But there are a couple of great books about filming and photography out there, training DVDs, or film schools (if you are not alrady in one).

Google the keywords of Ronn’s post above and you’ll find plenty of information, that you can try to work with in your next projects.

When I wrote…
“Color correct more precisely (or actually – sorry for that – at all) before presenting a clip.”
… I made a not very nice remark, that your colour correction was no “correction” at all – and I apologized for that remark in the same sentence.

All the best and keep working!

[Omar Itani]

thanks peter.

[Pete Burger]

Glad if I helped a bit