I discovered that my laptop has one Intel integrated graphics card and a dedicated nvidia one. bypassing the integrated graphics is not an option but I found that I can set vegas to always use the nvidia card through the nvidia setup menu.
as a result the video preview is much smoother, with a shorter freeze, the frame rate drop is a lot smaller and it does not slow down when the ram is filled. the problem still exists but after previewing once it replays fine, as the frames are stored.