Trailer/Intro…Rocky Flats Documentary. Love some criticism.

[Chaz Shukat]

Hi David and welcome to THE COW (how does one signify reverb in print?). First and foremost, that music doesn’t do it for me at all. I think you need something more dramatic and ominous and perhaps more than one piece of music, one kind of bucollic and innocent like the children playing (which you are obviously juxtapositioning with the nuclear horror) and the other more sinister and scrary.

Second, it needs to be tightened up, especially if it is going to be a trailer. It feels pretty flat overall and seems to lack a direction. In the beginning you have all these arial shots, maybe too many back to back, maybe spread them around. They are not that gripping to catch interest.

Perhaps switch the bites where one guy says it’s a cover up not a clean up (I think this is the best part of the whole thing and the only part that really hit me at an emotional guy level – it had impact) and the other guy that says it’s safe for people to recreate.

Some of the rapid cutting with the kids on the see-saw seems rough and once you go to them don’t leave them and then come back to them. I like the effect at the end with the kids on the see-saw in negative with the radioactive looking graphics.

Needs much more uummphh overall. Better music will help achieve it.

Hope this helps.

Chaz S.

[David Garcia]

Hey Chaz,

Thanks so much for your good input. I think your right on all counts. Huge thanks. I think I’ll be heading back to the office now…

[Alan E. bell]

David,

I’m with Chaz on the music it just doesn’t have the right tone. Also I think you should let the images speak for themselves. We have a saying “If you can’t solve it dissolve it”. The constant dissolves and super impositions are tedious and in my opnion not achieving their objectives. I want to see those children playing clean. Hit me with it instead of feathering it through. Let the content tell the story,you have a very powerful message here, no need to clutter it up with artifice.

Regards

Alan Bell
—————
Discreet Combustion Co-Host
LA Combustion Users Group Co-Host

[David Garcia]

Thanks Alan,

I really appreciate your time checking this out. This piece is serving as an intro to a fairly cut and dried documentary, so I did want something a little flashy and arty, but I’m definitely rethinking it. I know we do lean on dissolves heavily. I want to pull the viewer in with lots of questions which the film will address.

Thanks again for your time,

David

[Mark Raudonis]

david,

I agree with the comments above, and would like to add one more.

Don’t forget to take advantage of the power of sound design to influene your emotional statement. Just throwing in a musical cue as a bed squanders your opportunity to add to the power of the scenes with innovative sounds. As cut, your music is effectively “leveling out” any emotional content and therefore, creating a monotonous, boring pace. You can break out of the monotone with unexpected usage of sound. Contrasting the sounds of children playing and screaming on the playground with the barrels of radioactive waster can be a powerful sound/sight image. Remember “The Terminator”? Watch that film and see the juxtaposition of sound and image to scare the pants off of you.

Finally, just because you’re doing a “documentary” don’t think you can’t use every trick in the book from feature films to “sell” your point of view.
You can and you should.

Mark