how to improve my storytelling?

[Mike Smith]

OK I’ll bite, though you may not like it. What are you not happy with in your film?

My reactions: this film is quite long for a little misdirection joke.

It has the feel of a student film, a technical (“5 finger”) exercise to work on a mood of menace, with no real payoff as audince for watching. To me, it has no content beyond a vague threat that something horrible may be about to happen, for no good reason. To me, this just says “don’t trust this filmmaker with your time” – but hey, there is an audience for horror – the Justine tradition lives on.

Characters – you introduce the woman in black dragging a chair, as if the car is not hers (why not bring it along in the back?), and then introduce the woman in pink as if the woman in black doesn’t know she was there. (why focus on the chairback, if you want to use those bars in foreground, and not on the legs walking away – if this shot works at all …?) The story you tell implies that this woman in black has broken down in her vehicle, and is surprised to hear noise from the boot.

But all that is misdirection, seemingly to let you pay off the tension and foreboding (bolt cutters, really?) with the nad haircut day joke. How would you expect people to feel, at that point, other than a little pxxd with you?

So I guess I’d say in response to the topic – how to improve storytelling – have a story worth telling in the first place …. comment on specifics of technique seems redundant at this point.

Hope it all works out for you.

[Petar Manov]

Hi Mike,

first of all I thank you for your feedback. It is certainly not something easy to read but unfortunately completely justified.

I’m not a film student and I have not learned filmmaking, i don’t know many Film people, so it’s important for me to practice and make errors. Although I read a lot about filmmaking and i study the old movies, is for me the true set the right teacher. Alone on this one days with 13 hours of shooting time and I have learned much more as the last six months.

But this should not be an excuse for poor work. What bothers me ist once the length of the film and that the film is predictable. I wanted to make no Horrer but I wanted to misdirect the audienceon, but that barely works.

I have prepared the film in two weeks. Written script, created Shorlist, location scouting, found friends who have the time, shot, edited, colored, made ​​sound design and music composed for it. If i would have more time left for anything, then the film would be probably a bit better.

In one thing I would disagree with you. Each story is worth being told. It always depends on the how you tell it 🙂

thx 🙂

P.S. sry about my bad englisch, I hope it is somewhat understandable

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[Mike Smith]

Hi Petar

Your English is fine – better than my bad German for sure.

Maybe I was a little harsh. From your work I guessed you were a current or recent film student; I would not have known you have no formal training. In those circumstances, you have done decently well with the technical aspects.

I fear we will not reach any agreement on the importance of story though. To my mind, that is where the answers to your length and predictability issues may lie.

There are those that agree with you of course. Josef von Sternberg put that view neatly in his “I care nothing about the story, only how it is photographed and presented.”

Still, I wonder whether you might benefit from thinking a bit more about story. There’s maybe something worth glimpsing among the humour from Terry Rossio at
https://www.wordplayer.com/columns/wp41.Point.of.View.html

https://www.grapevinecommunications.co.uk/contact/story/story.html
https://www.grapevinecommunications.co.uk/contact/spectacle/spectacle.html