Feedback on Japanese Factory videos series teaser trailer

[Chris Tompkins]

Nice job!

Chris Tompkins
Video Atlanta LLC

[Bill Davis]

The majority is fine.

Three simple points.

A. It would be a better video without the first 26 seconds. Don’t bury the lead. All it does is communicate the factory location and that’s incidental to the product. Who cares? This is the web. Eyeball time is precious. Inform from FRAME ONE!

B. The middle is well done, but somewhat over-written. You could easily simplify and tighten up 30-40% of the copy and communicate exactly the same things.

C. Particularly true of your ending. – You’re on the LOGO and you eventually get to a nice ID tag. But killing all the closing momentum with the long paragraph ahead of it. That just makes the logo slate a drawn out boring slog instead of showcasing the last message unit with impact.

Overall good job. But this minor structural stuff is keeping it from being as good as I know you want it to be.

My 2 cents, anyway.

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[Nick Griffin]

I agree with both of the above comments, first that it’s very nicely shot and edited. I especially like, and appreciate the manufacturing sequence. (Well, most of the scenes anyway.)

Second, I agree with Bill that it could be shorter and, as a web video, that’s important. Viewers can see the length when the player opens and at that point they’re making the decision whether they will or won’t devote that much time to watching your video. Shorter is better and having multiple shorter videos each covering one aspect of your message is often the best answer.

As to what Bill was saying about the opening, and assuming that this was a requirement to satisfy the client, I’d find somewhere else, probably near the end, to get that in. For maximum draw I’d start with the slo-mo motorcycle accident footage and from there go into what makes these helmets so superior and so much safer. Tie that directly into the part about the racing organizations who use the helmets, then get into the manufacturing and you’ve got a message that grabs at the top and provides a powerful argument.

But, please don’t let any of these ideas let you think that what you already have isn’t good. It is quite good and should be well received by your client.

[Chris Gomersall]

Thanks for all the very constructive feedback. As is usually the case, the clients drive a project in ways that are not apparent in the final video. The script was VERY tightly controlled by the Japanese clients with much concern for legal issues tied to misrepresentation. Imagine not being able to use the word “safety” in a helmet video? (even though I snuck one in on the opening title card) This is but a teaser for the series and I will be sure to post here again for more valuable feedback.
Thanks COW members!
Chris Gomersall
Video Producer/Editor/Shooter
Tucker Rocky Distributing

[Mark Suszko]

I liked it, had a good flow. I would have started narration much sooner, over the second establishing shot. The copy stars s little awkwardly, like this is a chapter of something else and we missed the previous remarks. I feel it needs a clearer introductory statement in the copy. Maybe phrased as a question:

“Why do we design for much higher standards than the rest of the industry? Because good enough is not enough in the real world of racing”. Then you go into your explanation that forces in a real racing crash can be much greater than what’s encountered in controlled lab tests.

I can see though why the client might hesitate at saying that, a lot of it is cultural. Those safety standards, you can bet, are set by an industry/government consensus. I don;t know a lot about Japan, but I know that consensus is very important there. To then imply to consumers the standards are unrealistic and only your product is adequate, invites a lot of trouble with the other manufacturers and industry organizations, as well a government regulator that would be shamed into raising standards. So you have to hunt around the issue.

[Dimitrios Papagiannis]

Hi Chris

Great work. One idea I had was to get them to change the tag line because there is a difference isn’t saying what the difference is. Something like “A Higher Standard” or something that says what that difference is. People don’t tend to listen to voice over. High impact music and simple info graphics seem to work better. Also showing people making these things makes me feel like they might be prone to operator error as compared to showing how the helmets are made to exact specifications might have more impact as well as reassurance that each one is going to be exactly the same.

Having worked in a manufacturing facility I find that what interests people that are buying the product are the “rigorous standards for quality” and how they are achieved.

Keep it up. Yes also lose the opening shot of the sign. Also give me an audio visual cue right before each main point is being made.