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Demystification: A Parable
Imagine, if you will, an apartment building. It has roughly 25 and a half floors (probably designed originally by Charlie Kaufman, who knows?), but only around 20 of these floors are actually used by the residents. In the basement there are about 1.5 floors worth of space and you can find roughly another 2 floors worth just beneath the roof. These areas have only ever been used for utltilies up till now.
There is an elevator that services the entire building but it has been set up with the convenience of the residents in mind, taking into account the floors they actually use.
One day the landlord decides to put in a brand new elevator alongside the old one, and the residents are naturally delighted.
However, there’s a problem, or at least it seems that way. When you get in and press a button, the new elevator doesn’t take you to the floor you were expecting but instead overshoots (or undershoots) your desired destination.
The residents become convinced that there is a bug in the elevator’s control protocols and are naturally worried about the consequences.
Of course they know better than to try and get an answer out of the landlord who is well known for not engaging with questions.
Instead, one of the residents contacts an elevator engineer for his opinion. The elevator looks at the elevator and declares that there isn’t a bug in the protocols, rather the elevator has not been optimised for the way the residents are using the building. He tries to explain this by making a temporary modification to their original elevator for the purposes of demonstration – the modification makes the old elevator behave exactly like the new one. Most of the residents start to appreciate the nature of the anomaly.
Another resident however has been talking to a world-renowned architect who has also taken an interest in the new elevator. The architect’s initial evaluation is that there is nothing to worry about – the new elevator is simply using the advanced Galaxy Fusion protocol.
The elevator engineer doubts this and sets out to show that this is not the right answer.
Subsequently, the architect forgets that he ever mentioned the Galaxy Fusion protocol and insteads declares that in an ideal world all elevators would function just as the new elevator does and apartment blocks would be built to accomodate the elevator design and not the other way around.
The elevator engineer doesn’t disagree with this because the architect is now correctly describing the anomaly of the elevator’s behaviour. Both of them are agreed that there is nothing wrong with the new elevator and there are no bugs in its control protocols. It’s just that the protocols have been calibrated to fit a building where all 25 and a half floors are in use, rather than the building as it is currently used.
The elevator engineer points out that this state of affairs is not really helpful to the residents and their current needs. Until the architect’s ideal world comes along, they would be better served by an elevator that conformed to the way the building was used, and to the other service utilities in the block.
And there the story ends for now.
The one thing everybody knows for certain is that no-one can predict what the landlord will do next.
Simon Ubsdell
tokyo productions
hawaiki -
9 Replies
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I guess I’ll take the stairs until they work this out.
Doug D
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Stairs access requires monthly subscription.
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I guess I will use the color board….
Scott Witthaus
Senior Editor/Visual Storyteller
Managing Partner, Low Country Creative LLC
Professor, VCU Brandcenter -
“Get to the top: I’m too tired to rock.”
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I bought elevator pro awhile ago. It’s bolted onto the side of the building but its better than the original, and still makes sense when I stumble home after a night out.
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That new elevator makes the apartment building more accessible to new residents…who’ve never lived in an apartment before.
Shane
Little Frog Post
Read my blog, Little Frog in High Def -
Galaxy Fusion protocol.
Nice!
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I am happy to have an ending to this story.
The landlord and myself have decided to have a class action suit against Simon Ubsdell. Simon has presented unsupported facts against our elevator, which, in our “professional opinion” works perfectly well. We have installed elevators in countless buildings around the world, and now Simon Ubsdell has decided to defame our good name and reputation. Well guess what MR UBSDELL – you are GOING DOWN. You will never work again in this industry again ! Your only job in the future will be to work in Sento houses, handing out towels (ok, my back needs scrubbing – get to work !).Welcome to 2018, Mr. Ubsdell. I have discovered at least two MAJOR issues (that involve “third party” manufacturers) with the iMac Pro and macOS 10.13.2. Would you like to join me in publically trashing Apple, and prepare for the wrath of a major manufacturer screwing their customers. So when it comes time to trashing your “elevator manufacturer” – why don’t you prepare for your slander lawsuit for deformation of character.
AAAAAAAAAAH !
Bob Zelin
ps (since you are in Japan) – The Yamasaki Single Malt Japanese Whiskey – OMG ! THE BEST !Bob Zelin
Rescue 1, Inc.
bobzelin@icloud.com -
I think I found a video describing what Simon is referring to. I have been on elevators that have behaved this though not to this level. Pun intended!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDoTu43wCvI
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